Just Because

This morning while getting coffee at the office Keurig, one of the VPs stopped in and we started chatting. Since it’s going to be 80 degrees today and I’m not seeing clients, I left my arms bare, trying to avoid the inevitable pit stains that form while standing in the West 4th station at the end of the day, humidity and heat having stewed in the tunnels for hours. He noticed the tattoo on my arm and complimented the piece, asking “What made you get the skyline there?” I thought for a moment, cycling through the normal responses of “I have a tattoo for each place I’ve lived after high school,” or “I went through some big moments in the fall and wanted to commemorate making it through,” but eventually I just smiled and told him “Just because.”

In mid-December this past year, I walked into my go-to Upper East salon, determined to do something different with the same old bleach-blonde highlighted locks I’d been sporting since my teenage years, dyeing (lol puns) for something different to match my new single status. The stylist did a great job, but it wasn’t the change I wanted. The edge of my typical white-blonde had been softened, for sure, but I kept thinking it’d be fun to take it a step further, get just a little crazier, make it just a little different. Over Easter weekend, I talked to the stylist I’ve been seeing for a decade and we decided to go for it, choosing a fiery red ombre, a color that made my eyes pop and made me noticeable from a mile away. My mother was shocked when she saw me step out of the chair, a huge smile spreading across her face as she surveyed the final product. She touched the locks gently and said “I love it! It’s so different! What made you choose the red?” and I smiled and said “Just because.”

I make a lot of big decisions, good and bad, impulsive and well-thought out. I can talk through my logic for many of them, why I got my various tattoos and what they mean, why I love living in Washington Heights, why I’m still so in love with my job four months into the new place. I can reason why things were so crazy for so long, I can explain the funk I was in for a few weeks with a few words. I can rationalize lots of things that I’ve done and lots of decisions I’ve made, but every once in a while it’s nice to do something and have something for no reason at all. It’s enjoying the moment in the purest form, taking a step back from rationalizing and ranting and explaining every step to enjoy the big picture that is life at this moment, because honestly? It’s pretty freaking great.

I walked into the office this morning after the perfect three day weekend: relaxing at my parent’s on Friday, playing with D&D’s dogs on Saturday followed by the housewarming party for my partner-in-crime R and her Scot H, all ending with a lazy, greasy, bacon-and-burgers Sunday brunch with AZ. I chatted with coworkers as we all dug through our weekend emails, they complimented my hair and I complimented their sundresses. We all laughed at how restorative this weekend was, all of us completely burnt out by the few weeks of insanity and relieved to be moving forward into the rest of the summer. I went back to my desk with a smile on my face, reminiscing about the small changes in just a few days, when my boss walked past and asked “Why the big smile LB?”

I’m just really happy, boss. Just because.