When it’s over.

Breakups are scary and sad. They take a long time to move past; it’s like a death, you lose someone you love. How does life go on after experiencing that with another person? As you can tell by the blog tone for the past few months, that question has been plaguing me. 

Where I share the best parts of my life across other social media, I share the scariest parts here. The most vulnerable moments, the ones where I’m on the subway and it’s been another 15-hour day and I’m so exhausted that the only way to assemble the thoughts in my head is to get them out, and quickly. That’s where the blog comes in, to get the bad stuff out in a way that I can make sense of it, given how little time I have to pay attention to it otherwise.

This weekend, every moment, was perfect. Saturday I spent the day with my new squad, my work squad, and I took a look at my life and I almost had to start laughing. Because Friday night had reminded me why I chose this life in the first place, and Saturday reminded me how many times I’d make that same choice if given the option. Friday night made me feel lighter, and Saturday made me feel solid. I am whole and unbroken; I am exactly where I am supposed to be. 

They say when you’ve found the One, you know. It’s like a deep sense of intuition, or maybe a beam of energy that changes you. On set yesterday, standing with my hair and makeup professionally done waiting my turn in front of the camera, I felt the same sense in the pit of my abdomen I felt the day I walked into the studio for the first time. I felt the same calm that I feel surrounded by those people, and as they cheered me on and took photos, I felt home. Because they also say when it’s Over, you know. I knew enough to walk away twice. After this weekend I know enough to walk away for good. 

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