Oh readers. If I could explain the last few months, across all aspects of my life, you wouldn’t believe me. The past week in particular has been especially different, to say the least.

I’ve been keeping journals since my teens, but the past 2 years in particular I’ve been almost religious about chronicling my life. After yoga, the journals became an outlet to follow the moon phases, and in particular, writing Intentions, Hopes and Wishes at the new moon. The hippie philosophy goes that intentions set at a new moon will manifest at the full moon six months later.

The past week, month, three months have been nothing but challenging. Tonight I wrote on the final page of a journal that took me 54 weeks to complete. It’s the close of a chapter, like when I set intentions in my Little Red Notebook the day before the night we met. Closing that notebook, the one that took me 7 years to fill, felt like an ending. Closing this one, that started 3 days after we met, feels like a beginning.

Last night was a full moon and the toughest of nights in a long time. I wrote tonight with a passion and a fervor and when I finally emerged enough to think clearly, I decided to see what my intentions were from six months ago. Just to see where these silly journaling habits got me. And that’s the entry below. The intentions and hopes and wishes that I set on July 5, 2016. They made me cry to read tonight. How strange to be comforted by your own words.

5 July 16

I’m a day late on intentions for the new moon. Today is my second Tuesday between jobs and it’s been a wonderfully weird few weeks.

A and I had our first fight this weekend. Typical, it happened after drinking and we hashed it out before falling asleep so details are fuzzy. It had been simmering all weekend though – his frustration at my optimism and my frustration at his pessimism. He drives me crazy sometimes and I couldn’t even kiss him because I have a stupid cold sore. Life is funny sometimes like that. Fortunately it turns out we fight like adults. We spent the fourth together doing nothing in his apartment and that was pretty wonderful.

I’m not sure what I’m hoping for come January. Or even in the next month. Hell, the next week. I’m so shocked 2016 is halfway over but when I look back at all that’s happened, it makes sense. I’m terrified, slightly, for what’s to come. The good terrified, I think. Changes this year have been so positive, if huge. I hope that continues. 

So here we go:

I INTEND:

• To get my newsletter up and running
• To teach at a Lululemon store!
• To support A through all his health issues, even if/when he’s pessimistic

I HOPE:

• A can use some of my optimism and we find him an awesome new hobby
• [My last PR company] is the right decision for my PR/professional future
• My injuries improve and/or I find out what’s causing the pain.

I WISH

• More people come to my monthly classes!
• A and I find the perfect apartment for us and Harlow to save money for a house
• To spend the rest of my life with that perfect, pessimistic, hilarious, sweet, kind, funny, and handsome boyfriend I am blessed to have love me, and would be lucky to have love me for the rest of our days.

xo! LB