[Original draft: Intended to post November 15, 2015]
Two, one. Small numbers in theory, but what a series of forevers you can fit between them.
I wonder if there’s some alternate universe where I never left, or maybe one where he wanted the same things. Maybe that’s the odd sense of quiet and loss I’ve been feeling lately, the joy for this alternate universe (if the latter, at least). Maybe it’s an echo of my own trepidation at this day in one of those other worlds. It’s quite odd, though, to think that three years ago, I was hoping this would be a day we would have chosen together for a happy forever, not a separate one. If you’d told me three years ago that on this day, I’d actually wake up, shake out my short red hair, do a little yoga, sip on bone broth and head out for an afternoon with my family, I would be…
Well. Honestly? I think the alternate universe LBs would have thought that sounded great. Especially if you threw in the new tats and the yoga. I think she would be excited for this person, this universe’s LB, until she realized that this universe’s LB is doing all of that alone. Or who knows: maybe that’s exactly why she would be so excited for who I am today.
It does put things in perspective though, when comparing three years ago, versus two years ago, versus last year, versus today. Comparing who I was three years ago, versus two years ago, versus last year, versus today. I was almost sad as I started to write this down, but the more I talk it through, the more I’m feeling pretty good. Really good, actually. I’m reminded that I did make a good decision a few years ago, not just for me, but for him I’m sure as well.